War on Christmas!

So it is that time of year again – the nutjobs start to remind us that there is a war on… a war against Christmas!

Since I was late to the party on the class war (hell, just about everyone was – the class war against the 99% has been going on for DECADES and only now are we beginning to ask that those who benefit disproportionately from the society in which they live return to supporting that society), I figured I would jump in late on this one too.

Here is the premise:  anti-Christian liberals are trying to eradicate Christmas by saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”.

Yes, that does sound ridiculous.

Here is the thing.  A lot of cultures and religions have winter celebrations.  (In fact, Christmas is actually a hijacking of a pagan winter holiday, and religious scholars generally concur that Jesus could not have been born December if the other facts in the Bible about his birth are correct).  So when you hear someone cheerfully wish you “Happy holidays!”, consider the possibilities:

  1. The well-wisher doesn’t know which winter holiday(s) you celebrate, and doesn’t wish to offend but does want you to have a happy whatever-it-is-you-celebrate.
  2. The well-wisher knows that you celebrate Christmas, but also wants to wish you a happy New Year too.
  3. The well-wisher hates Christmas and wants it to DIE!

Right.  Apparently one of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn’t belong.  I think it is the ridiculous one, don’t you?

On the other hand, if they wish you “Merry Christmas”:

  1. They are singing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” and you’d better go get the figgy pudding, ’cause they aren’t going to leave until they get some.
  2. They know you celebrate Christmas, and intend to see you again before New Years and will wish you a happy New Years then.
  3. They know you celebrate Christmas, but don’t wish you a happy New Years.  (Hint – this is the silly one!)
  4. They assume everyone else is just like themselves.
  5. They are ignorant of other winter celebrations.
  6. They know there are other winter celebrations, but don’t care.
  7. They know there are other winter celebrations, but want to be deliberately offensive to people who celebrate them.
  8. They know there are other winter celebrations, but don’t think they should have to ever talk to people who celebrate them, so if they are talking to you, you aren’t someone who celebrates anything else.
  9. They know there are other winter celebrations, but think people who celebrate them should not be in this country, and since you are here you must not celebrate anything else.
  10. They know there are other winter celebrations, but think people who celebrate them should not exist, and since you exist you must not celebrate anything else.

Excepting #3, the further you go down the list, the less likely the scenario, but these people do actually exist – I’ve met a few.

But the blowhards insist there is a war on Christmas, and the narrow-minded can be offended at “Happy Holidays” so they don’t have to examine their own apathy/ignorance/intolerance/offensiveness.

So to those who are not the apathetic, the ignorant, the intolerant, or the offensive, but who do celebrate Christmas I say “Merry Christmas”. 

To those who celebrate other holidays, I say “Happy Holidays”.

And to the apathetic, the ignorant, the intolerant, and the offensive, I say “Take a good hard look at yourself and see if you are truly representing Christmas”.

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